THE TEXT in the video description box for Formula E’s pre-season hype video does a solid job of trying to sensationalise the all electric championship.

“Witness the intensity as teams go wheel-to-wheel around the world’s most iconic cities. More overtakes, more competition, more drama. Everything is up for grabs,” they write.

“This is Change.Accelerated. and there is no turning back.”

It’s all very exciting and the full stop between the words Change and Accelerated means its new, fresh and exciting. A young people’s sport aimed at hipster types keen on saving the world by watching electric cars race.

It all sounds jolly thrilling and the video itself is also intense: it has all the hallmarks of a cut-down version of a mid range popcorn flick you’d go and see in the cinemas when you were bored.

Lots of jump cuts, moody cinematography, lots of noise and semi-competent CGI as well.

It’s also ridiculous.

Not ridiculous in a John Wick or the Matrix kind of way.

It’s ridiculous in a Driven kind of way.

Oh yeah. I went there.

Allow me, then, to break down three minutes of utter madness that – purportedly – promotes the upcoming season of the FIA Formula E Championship.

THE FILM opens with Formula E cars racing under lights in the dingy underground carpark that was the London E Prix.

Formula One uses stunning Monaco or beautiful Spa Francorchamps to sell their product but I suppose an underground carpark is glamourous in its own unique way.

We’re in the middle of a thrilling three way battle between Sam Bird, Antonio Felix De Costa and Pascal Wehrlein, who are going three wide as the fight for supremacy in a highly competitive race which, to give the category its dues, does happen regularly.

Obviously, Formula E tracks are rarely wide enough for this to happen but this is a work of fiction, so let us not let the facts get in the way of a good story.

Shockingly if not surprisingly, the Porsche and the Jaguar and DS Teecheetah entries all collide, with the latter car thrown horribly into the air and directly into the fence.

Now this is not the first racing series hype video to use a massive shunt to get people interested, but the choice to showcase an airborne accident at a time when open wheel categories around the world are a) paranoid about such things and b) working hard to stop cars from taking the aerial route, is an interesting one.

“Come to Formula E – the cars might not sound like much.. but they sure do fly!”

Fortunately, after some brief jump cuts to hide the CGI, the cliched concerned looks on the team’s faces and enough barrel rolls to make Joe Tanto carsick, we see young Felix Da Costa clambering out of his ruined car. Dallara sure know how to build ’em tough!

The Red Flags fly as he orients himself.. only for the actor portraying the Portuguese driver to have a revelation: The race is still on! Hang the Red Flag! I can still win this!

He sprints off towards the fence – which he climbs, Castroneves style – with Bird and Wehrlein in hot pursuit!

The other cars continue to race, despite the red flag and the fact three cars have been left abandoned after a high speed shunt, while the actor.. err.. drivers charge out of the circuit.

If you think F1’s race control had issues in Abu Dhabi, they’ve got nothing on the debacle ongoing in this race!

I’ll skip through the next part quickly because, honestly, I’m still trying to take it in.

Suffice to say our heroes (who will be badly penalised for abandoning their cars and not going for the mandatory medical checks) race through a City – one looking somewhat Blade Runner-y.

Da Costa scares a mounted police officer off his horse and steals it, so he’s clearly going to jail.

Sam Bird kicks a box.

The Porsche driver finds a short cut, shows off some gymnastic skills while running through a busy kitchen and smashes a very expensive frosted glass window, inconveniencing some diners greatly as they try to have an enjoyable meal.

There’s a slightly jolting cut to some forests on fire and a news man talking about the UN calling it ‘Code Red for Humanity’ which if I am honest, feels a little bit like Formula E trying to ram their eco message down my throat a little bit too hard.

I mean, I don’t want to hate on the editor or director here because they’re just doing a job… A job that clearly said in the script: insert doom and gloom clips of global devastation here, in the middle of a race car video / bond film without it looking awkward.

As they probably say in the business, you can only work with the script you’ve got.

That PSA over, our protagonists find themselves on top of a building (how?), in a nightclub (they are breaking up plenty of good parties here) before Wehrlein goes all James Bond on a trio of bouncers – who are clearly upset at these helmeted figures crashing their swanky party. Understandable.

Ultimately the German is apprehended and the head honchos in Stuttgart will be looking at exit clauses in his contract because he might be able to drive, but he sure as hell can’t fight and that surely breeches several of Porsche’s high performance clauses in his contract.

Felix da Costa now finds himself in.. Caligula? Is it Caligula? It has to be Caligula. Red Lights. Roman Centurions. Bloated Shakespearian dialogue. The works.

No hardcore sex scenes, mind, but there could be a R-Rated cut of this film we’re yet to see so we’ll reserve judgement on that.

Remarkably, JUST BEHIND a performance of Shakespear’s Julius Ceaser is.. a FORMULA E RACE!

Our hero finds himself running onto the MIDDLE OF THE CIRCUIT while the definitely not red-flagged race is still racing.

He’s facing down the field of Formula E cars as they charge (heh) towards him.

He turns.. runs and – SPOILER – WINS!

Yes, folks, a promotional video for a CAR RACING category finished on the basis that running is better.

There may truly be ‘No turning back’ from this for Formula E.

Stallone would be proud.

Postscript: Mitch Evans, who narrowly missed out on the win here, was robbed.